Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
