How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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