can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
