Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
