It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
