The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
