god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
