This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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