I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
