so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
