my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
