So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
