And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
