After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
