Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
