flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
