I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
