Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
