I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
