She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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