dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
