Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
