So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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