Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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