oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
