i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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