I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
