Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
