yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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