How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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