So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
