I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
