It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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