Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
