We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
