You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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