Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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