i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
