How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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