i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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