it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
