I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
