"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
