She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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