my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
