I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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