She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
