I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
