so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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