from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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