the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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